Diary of an AOL User
July 18
I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best
online
service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold
onto it
incase they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I don't
know
what is wrong.
July 19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem.
I don't
see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22
I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't
fit in
the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door
did
it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get online.
July 25
That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
me. He's
so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just
another
service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services
for
people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They
didn't even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't
know. And
why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when
you
only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are
not
suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial
tone
sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out
by the
sound.
July 26
What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this internet
thing. I'm confused.
July 27
The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online
stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared
to me.
Maybe he's not so modest after all.
July 28
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing
happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July 29
I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected
to
America Online not usenet.
July 30
These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How do
they do
that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have
a
different type of keyboard.
JULY 31
I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING
A
CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK
KEY. WHY
DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED
A
BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER.
HE
SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD
BUT
ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD
HIM
TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.
AUGUST 1
I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN ANSWER
ANY
QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET.
I
HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
AUGUST 2
I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT
THE
CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I
WASNT
SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.
AUGUST 3
I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS GREW THAT
LARGE.
AUGUST 4
THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS
SO ANGRY
THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT
SURE IF
I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.
AUGUST 5
SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE PROFANITY.
AUGUST 6
SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID
JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY
LET
THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
August 7
Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its probably
an
extra feature that costs more money.
August 8
I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited. I'm going
to
make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every
newsgroup I could find.
August 9
I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have to
work on
it some more.
August 10
I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and
I
really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth.
I wonder
what an aol is.
August 11
I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy
told
me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but I can't
find that
group.
August 12
I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the
ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the kid
next
door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he's laughing
so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let
him come
over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the
rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty
stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and
they used
bad words.
August 13
I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where
the
ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new signature
file
which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to read my favorite
poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that short story I like.
August 14
Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him
I
don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.
